hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
