I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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