based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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