tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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