I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
