i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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