Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
