so explain again why im purple
no
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
