Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
