Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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