can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
