You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
