Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
