She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
