from now on my penis is your penis
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
