God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
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