Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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