when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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