I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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