Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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