i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
