in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
