I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
