Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He passed out mid-signature
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
