I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
