There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
