i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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