i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
