I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
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He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
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got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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