I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
