My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
