even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
The ass gains better be worth it
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
