The maid of honor just puked.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my phone needs a breathalizer
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
