I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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