I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
