So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
