I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
