got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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