man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
