She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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