My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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