Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Randomize
