dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize