she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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