We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
