You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She needs sedatives and a leash
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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