Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
