I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i barfeds in our rink
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
