at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
