about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
