My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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