boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
COCAINE IS GR8
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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