i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
