His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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