How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
