So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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