Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
