I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
