When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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