Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
