I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
