I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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