My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
