if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
