After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
