Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
