Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
