Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
we're so committed to being not committed
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
