Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
