What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Terrible idea I love it
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
