Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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