i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize