wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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