Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
