Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
In America we eat man semen.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
