I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
