dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
