god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
